Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize