HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
