I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
