i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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