I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sext me about skeletons
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
