boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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