He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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