Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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