so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
