Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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