I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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