i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize