I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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