Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
