i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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