so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
