I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize