It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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