clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize