We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
