I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
