You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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