What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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