There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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