Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
