sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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