Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
