I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
