i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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