Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
