This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
