you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we're making bets on your personal life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
