was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
