I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
