She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
