Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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