That's when you crack a 10am beer
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
