Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
