i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Come on in and take your pants off
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