I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
