It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
