I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize