Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
