He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
