Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
everyone is single if you try hard enough
im six kinds of drunk right now
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
