were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
