I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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