I heard we made out
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
