dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
