you will always have a special place in my vag
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
