Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
