I'm lost and stupid without you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We named our party play list daddy issues
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
