This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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