Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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