i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can I color on your dick again?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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