I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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