ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
