I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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