dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
