I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
