is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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