She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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