dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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