How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
