Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
