theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
