so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
