so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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