I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
