guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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