we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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