I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You just made me feel so damn special
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize