I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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