I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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