We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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