The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
