i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
