I hope mine doesn't look like that
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
