i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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