In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
