Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
