cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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