she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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