I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
