Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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