You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
