Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Did I show you my penis last night?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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