I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
