She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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