Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
