I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
