I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I need a burrito and a hug.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
